Life in Death

My dad died six years ago and I still don’t like to talk about it. 

One month before it happened, my husband and I had moved across the country. Five days before “the call,” my husband deployed; leaving me to fly with an one and a two year-old by myself.

Yet, I was happy when my dad died.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want him to be gone and I was mournful but at the same time I was happy. My father had been suffering with sickness for years and I knew he was Saved (meaning he accepted Jesus as His Lord and Savior). I could be happy within that great sadness because I knew my father moved to a place where there is no more suffering, no more tears, and no more pain (Revelation 21:4). 

I remember sitting in the front row of his funeral, crying quietly, unable to focus. I kept thinking, “I can’t do this. I have to leave. I can’t do this,” while trying to focus on simply breathing. But guess what? I made it through. I survived and soon I would learn how to thrive.

You see, the whole painful experience pushed me closer to Jesus. I had believed in God for as I long as I could remember but I hadn’t learned how to apply His teachings to my life. After the funeral, when I made it back cross-country with my young children, I realized I needed to find a church. I didn’t just want to get closer to God, I knew I needed to. 

I found a women’s Bible study and joined partway into Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I remember praying and thanking God for bringing me there and pushing me to go (because I needed that push). From that moment on, God lit a spark in my heart. I started attending Bible studies, became involved in church, and started living out His word (to the best of my ability!). 

God took a bad situation and He turned it around to use for my good. God had been calling me closer to Him for years but I let things get in my way to prevent it. This made me spiritually dead because of my disobedience (Ephesians 1:18). Then my dad died and I was forced to rely on God. By showing me how to access the Holy Spirit and how to hear from Him, God used this situation to put breath into me and made me live again (Ezekiel 37:5).

I don’t like talking about my dad’s death because I don’t like to remember all that sadness. So instead of focusing on that hurt, I am choosing to look at all the good that came out of it. Just like in Romans 8:28, I know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. He took my dad’s death and used it to push me to Him and bring me to life. 

Today, God is pushing me out of my comfort zone—I didn’t want to start a blog. Obviously, I obeyed God and started JLin writes. I took my own advice from “I’m a Little Gideon” and took a step of faith to get out of the boat. God called me and I am answering, “Here I am Lord, send me!”